Please take note that my Nikon D70 has taken a nose dive and been sent off for repairs. So until further notice, these images were taken with my first digital camera, a Nikon Coolpix 950.
Damn you to hell Mr. Neighbor Man and your nasty ass fluid, cheap crumbly briquettes and non-seasoned chicken pieces. And how dare you hit me with such vial smells just as I get home on a warm September’s eve. While I had planned something ovenny with my whole natural chicken, you sir have forced me in to action. I’m going to totally kick your ass in startup fire smell, grilling smell and finishing smell. And I’m going to do it right now! Prepare for thine beating.
The smell creeping from your yard caused me to rush in to the house before taking off my vest and putting down my items and briskly shut all the windows on that side of the house. Sure the smell of the fluid drifted off after 20 minutes, but the rank smell from that chicken was discusting. I wouldn’t have been surprised if you’d neglected to remove the plastic wrap and foam tray before tossing on the grill. That sir, was nasty.
You moved in maybe 6 months ago. And I have to say the sight of your charcoal fired pit sent a spine tingling shiver about me each time I walked past my fence. It felt so good to know it wasn’t a gas grill. But at this point in time, I’m thinking this would have been far superior. At least we’d bypass the fluid & briquette smell. You got your stuff put away and made your way to the back yard and began grilling at least twice a week. I knew you were a troublemaker right off, but since you never started cooking earlier than 9pm, that was cool. I was out of the yard and the windows were closed anyway. But now you sob, you hit me at 4pm with those noxious fumes. This means war!
There’s no excuse for using fluid to start your briquettes these days. Between fat wood, chimney starters and electric elements you should be ashamed.
With Custom Charcoal in hand, the fire was ready to cook in 15 minutes, easy. The nasty smell of newsprint lasted less than 4 minutes and was gone, charcoal started. This versus fluid is no contest, I win this round. Yay me.
While this was going and my hickory chunks were igniting I pieced out the chicken and chose the juice from 1 whole lemon and some Penzy’s premade spice blend. It didn’t matter what I used on the chicken, even salt & pepper would have been fine for today’s bout. The combination of excellent ingredients, quality fuel and a little care and tender loving will always prevail over sloppy crap made with hate and purchased in hell.
It’s scenes such as these that bring peace and stability to my world. The harmony of fire & wood & steel & food. Even as I write these words and view this little image I’m calmed. But this war ain’t over yet pal and I can tell you from here the wonderful aroma of hickory was abundant. In heat #2, you lose. In fact, I’m sure you’re aware of it because there’s no way in hell you can escape the wily wafts of my vents.
The smell at this point of the crisping skin, lemon happy and hickory was overwhelming. I smelled your entire cooking process Mr. Neighbor Man and not once did I catch anything worth nothin’. In fact, to be kind I would label it as underwhelming, sliding quickly to profoundly pathetic. Sit up and pay attention, it’s not 1966 anymore. In fact, maybe I should send you a coupon redeemable for 1 Collosal Clue. Please stop using starting fluid. If you would do this one thing for me, I would be perfectly happy.
Biggles
Only one solution. Move. We’ve got plenty o’room up here.
Hey Biggles, I think you are over reacting. All you have to do is use mesquite flavored lighter fluid. I saw some guys at the Raider game add fluid while there dogs were still cooking. They were still alive when I left.
Doc,
You “moiderized” him. Well done.
PB,
Me !?! over reacting? Not possible.
Kevin,
Excellent! Yes, I like that, fits very well.
Haddock,
I’m not movin’ no place. I got too much stuuufff.
Biggles
Re the nasty newsprint smell- I use paraffin cubes in the chimney; one cube lights up a whole chimney of mesquite lump in no time flat with no nasty smoke, no drifting black flakes, nothing at all but flaming joy and the unadulterated scent o’ mesquite.
I struggled for awhile with the free newsprint vs. not-free paraffin just on principle, but now firmly believe it’s worth it.
Hey Aaron,
Oh yes! I forgot all about those. I’ve never used em’, but have seen them used. Thanks mang,
Biggles
Neighbor Man–make that no man–stands a chance ‘gainst Meathenge Labs, from what I can tell. I feel similarly about my new neighbor and their little Smokey Joe and drum of lighter fluid. The ol’ St. Paul Fire Department frowned on the ol’ charcoal grill on my deck (the price of urban living), but I can compensate a tad on my gas grill by throwing my tin-foil wrapped hickory chips right on my faux briquettes and let the result waft over the fence. I know his wife is jealous. Doc, you are an inspiration.
As I read this wonderful diatribe from the good Dr. Biggles ~ the theme of “Rocky” was heard inside my simple head! You’re probably beginning to hear the same theme as you continue reading this!
I’m surprised the Dr. Biggles didn’t round up his mighty tikes and head right over to the neighbors house. Big Z and Little E would have just looked at that person and said “WHY!!”?
Perhaps this person had originally lived in the Los Angeles basin and moved north after that region banned the use of lighter fluid!! Some people just can’t break a bad habit. Is it that charcoal light fluid is the “crack” of the backyard BBQ!!?
Enough from me ~ the music is fading to silence and so will I.
Big D
Ah, Henge! You R A TR-U-P-R!
I would say that what you experienced is what I experience any day that I can drive home from work early (16:00-ish)with the wind from the Pacific blowing eastward, corraling in its wake, every fast food joint’s kitchen exhaust along the frontage road of 101 right right into my front room–because of course I have left the windows open!
GHAACCKKK! What an awful odor!
Toe-To-Toe Rambo, how ’bout takin’ on the frontage road cheap cookeries up here in Sonoma County???
Bring a year’s supply of that primo charcoal wood and a helicopter size fan; start the fire and blast 101 frontage road!
Bet there will be a mass exodus of folks seeking the truth and source of real bbq-ing!
Hugs!