Dear Emeril: You stink

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Many years ago I watched you arrive on the scene at Food TV, probably around 1997 I think it was. The idea of having a tv channel devoted to food & cooking sounded absolutely wonderful. Both my wife and I enjoyed your 5 O’clock slot. We grew weary and went on to other things. Over the years some love you and some have ridden you pretty hard, the name of Bourdain comes to mind. I decided not to jump in because there was enough of your name flitting about. Yeah well, that was then and this is now. I had the serious displeasure of tasting your salad “dressing” tonight. My first reaction was a screwed up face that sprung my tongue. “Gee, no sugar in there.” I remarked. I turn the bottle over, I wish I had done that in the store and find High Fructose Corn Syrup right up near the top! I can tell you this, you sure as hell don’t serve THIS to your family, do you? No sir. That Wishbone Italian is better than yours and that brother man, is pathetic. There is no excuse for putting your name and likeness on that bottle of crap. You sir, are a dirty rat bastard.
Biggles
ps – Yes, I know better than to buy bottled dressings. But I’m a dumb boy and saw something shiny when I was in a hurry.

27 thoughts on “Dear Emeril: You stink”

  2. Hey Stephanie,
    Yah. I dunno. I snapped. Emeril used to be a real chef who cooked good. From what I understand he had a quail farm too, just for his restaurant. How could a person who cared so much, put their name on such REAL crap. I’m not talking a dressing that is just okay, or not great. The stuff wasn’t anything better than Nasty. I snapped and grabbed a hammer. Of course I had my camera in the other hand, I’m not that crazy.
    Biggles

  3. Yeah, sweet bottled dressings (i.e.: most store-bought dressings) are truly digusting. (And why can’t they make a low fat dressing that isn’t sweet?) I used to like Paul Newman dressing, but recently the EVOO has been replaced with with other scut oils like cottenseed and soybean.
    The nastiest stuff of all is “Essense of Emeril.” Half of his recipes call for you to go buy his dirty spice powders. I believe he ejaculates into each bottle. It’s kind of like B&J Cherry Garcia ice cream, in which they put a small fraction of Jerry Garcia’s ashes into each batch… blech.

  4. What the heck are you doing eating salad again???
    I was lucky enough to eat at Emeril’s Nola restaurant in 1996 in New Orleans. (I had no clue who he was then, of course) The food was so good – I was with about 8 other Brits visiting for a conference in the NO and we had a truly great meal and time. FFWD 4.5 years and here I am living in America. I see Emeril on tv and I think oh gawd, he’s not quite Naked or Nigella, I don’t think I am going to enjoy tv chefs this side of the pond.
    But really Dr B, you are too blame. How could you buy a bottle of dressing with his pudgey little beaming face on the label?
    Oh – i know – you were put here on earth by the Big Giant Tenderloin in the sky as a spokesperson to warn the unassuming public against the atrocities of the food world.
    Cheers to you mate
    sugar in vinaigrett, blargh!

  5. Hey Sam,
    Yup, I take full responsibility. I’m more upset at where this has all gone. I had such high hopes for the man. Oh well, at least it was an inexpensive lesson.
    Yes, exactly. THE TENDERLOIN SPEAKS !!! Avoid Emeril’s prepared food at all costs !!!

  7. Love the pic but ya better not plant the ‘maters or basil in that spot, it looks poisoned.

  8. BAM! You have to really taste that deep Southern Flare…BAM! Did you taste the garlic…BAM! Wait, I’m not from the south but I’m really a Yankee…Bam! Sorry but for your troubles I’m gonna have Doc. play you a song…BAM! Now doesn’t that make you feel better?

  13. Ah, a man after my own heart.
    Emeril is 99% celebrity and less than 1% chef.
    Another tip: Emeril’s restaurants arn’t any better than his dressings.

  14. Hey Galatea,
    I know, but it still pains me. I can see the love he has for the Art. I can see the Art he has for the TV. I believe people think that if you are a chef or near, you can be tossed in front of a camera and off you go. No, this isn’t it, not even close. Emeril can be both, he has the skill, he is skilled. Think you can do better? Give it a try, I can’t do better.
    The man has either signed a letter with the devil or lost his path. Either of which is pathetic. It ain’t 1967 for crissakes.
    I’m sore for what could have been, E has so much to offer and the man took a huge dump on every last one of us.
    Dr. Biggles

  15. Dr. Biggles,
    Just looking at that face on that bottle would make my belly wish to implode.
    I love the pic 🙂 Having the hammer in the shot was a nice touch.
    Foodgoat

  16. Sadly, I made the mistake of trying his BBQ sauce… I hang my head in shame whenever I think of what it did to my ribs….

  18. Too bad about the dressing.
    But there is no bigger douchebag on the planet than Bobby Flay.

  21. Hey Sam,
    Yeah, I know. (Said with a sigh). I seen him go on Iron Chef America and the man can cook and cook well. I will give him that, he isn’t a world class chef on tv cause he’s pretty.
    Biggles

  22. I can’t understand how Emeril can have so much TV time on the food network. He is so obviously a fraud. I am sure it is not a secret to the chefs that know him. I saw him on an informercial for knives once, he had the knife skill of a five-year old.
    What’s going on?

  23. you guys are all pathetic, i would like to see any of you do what emeril or bobby have done, do you guys own restaurants???? you all sound like jealous bastards and if you don’t like them don’t watch them or eat their food. have nothing better to do than sit your ass on the computer and criticize other people who are better off than you???????????

  24. Hey Keli,
    Emeril’s salad dressing blows. That has nothing to do with the man. Other than he put his name on it.
    I could care less what others do or have accomplished. Lawyers, doctors, food professionals. If you put out a lousy product, it’s lousy.
    Biggles

  25. To Whom It May Concern and Monsieur Biggles,
    Emeril is a great chef and human being in my lowly opinion. His showmanship speaks for itself,i.e., he rules.
    The main reason I love Wishbone salad dressings, after the great taste, is that it has a bit of a pour spout to better control the portions.
    Hint on Balsamic Vinegar: If it gets too old it smells like paint thinner,personal experience.

  26. Hey Jo,
    I can’t eat Wishbone and the like anymore, not after reading the labels. Good dressing is so easy to make yourself and only takes a few moments. You don’t need to be having that much sugar in your diet.
    Biggles

  27. hi Emeril Lagasse
    How are you Please come here to Saudi Arabia because I want to see you and bring your DVD with you ok I want meet you I will give you my Email Address AlaaFakieh10@hotmail.com or chat me at Msn Messenger I have to go now I like you Emeril lagasse because you my best friend I am Alaa Fakieh I am Female I am From Saudi Arabia I am Muslium I am 24 years old Adult I will talk to you later ok ~Alaa Fakieh~